October 10th is World Mental Health Day. In honor of this, I wanted to put together a college confession to help raise awareness about what many of our friends and family members are going through daily. For those of you who read the blog, you know how these work: People share their experiences with me on different topics, whether it’s transitioning to college, greek life, hookup culture, etc. Another one of the topics is mental health and because today is October 10th, I wanted to share some more stories that were sent to me. Normally, I write a few sentences after each submission, sharing my own thoughts. I felt that it wasn’t my place to do so this time around and that the focus should really just be on what is being shared.
Thank you to everyone who felt comfortable sharing their thoughts with me and with those who read the blog.
#1
“I’ve had issues with my mental health since middle school but it never became a real burden on my studies and relationships until I got to college. After a long and emotionally tolling journey, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.
Part of the reason it took me so long to be diagnosed is because a symptom of the manic “mood” of bipolar is having extreme high thoughts of yourself, which always made me think my depression was just a funk I had to get out of. I would go to therapy and quit weeks later because I thought I knew better than my therapist once I became manic and had god-like self confidence. It was also difficult for me to accept my diagnosis because the understanding of bipolar I created from the media and the stigma against it is not at all what the actual condition is.
It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done but I stuck with treatment. There were so many times when I just wanted to give up because I thought I was helpless. I’m now on medication that makes me finally feel like myself again. I had to learn that it’s okay to ask for help, and people around me WANT to help. It will always get better as long as you make an effort to help yourself.”
#2
“I think mental health is much more prevalent than we sometimes seem to acknowledge. It would be a wonderful world if we could live without fears and anxieties, but that in fact is not our world, and that is definitely not what 2020 has set up for us so far. This being said, now is the most crucial time to reach out to others, support each other, and most importantly, support yourself! While I wouldn’t necessarily label myself an introvert, I do value my alone time so I can recharge mentally and better prioritize my wellbeing.”
#3
“I’ve always been an advocate for mental health, and I’m very fortunate to have always had a very strong mental health. However, having to be extra pre-cautious due to chronic illness and college courses don’t mix well. I feel as though every time I get back up something comes to knock me back down, and I’ve noticed myself start to deteriorate but I’m doing all the positive things I can do to stay mentally strong. Type 1 Diabetes greatly impacts your brain functioning and the thinking process, so if my blood sugar is off at all in any way shape or form, it can cause a lower performance level. So, keeping my blood sugar perfect especially for exams is a full time job. Anxiety, stress, anything you can think of, affects blood sugar levels. So if I get anxious, I can cause a blood sugar spike. If I get really upset, it’ll crash.”
#4
“I thought my mental health would improve when I came to college because college admissions were my main stressor in high school. When I got here, that wasn’t the case and my first semester was super hard on my mental health. I did not expect to have such a hard time making friends and finding things to do that made me happy. This semester has been pretty hard too - I moved off campus and don’t want to have people over because of COVID but I also can’t visit other people’s places that live on campus because of the rules. I’m also balancing a full time job and an overloaded course schedule, so keeping everything organized and getting everything done on time has been challenging which just further contributes to my stress. Calling my family and friends a lot has helped me on bad days. I’m hoping things start to improve in terms of COVID so we can return to some sense of normalcy soon.”
NOTE: This submission is a little longer and a little heavier than the others.
#5
“Like most people, transitioning into college is a stressful time and I never realized how much I relied on my mom until I left home. I don’t mean in a physical “what are we having for dinner” sense. I mean on a complete emotional level. My mom has always done a great job at keeping me level headed and when I first moved away from home, I realized it was only my job to do this. While I have struggled with anxiety since elementary school, this was the first time I had to deal with it away from home and without my mom. I was absolutely ruined. Most nights I wouldn’t be able to sleep, and I would have to call my mom and sit in silence out of fear of waking up my roommate, or roam the halls of our freshman dorm holding back tears just in case anyone else had stepped out in the middle of the night. I got through it somehow and became self-determined to be happier...I occasionally struggled with the unprovoked anxiety attacks, but I generally made it through freshman spring and sophomore fall unscathed.
Sophomore spring was a different story. As everyone knows we all got sent home from our schools and were under quarantine mandate by our states. While I was fortunate enough to go home and still be able to participate in my classes, I became obsessed. I had constantly two things on my mind: the increasing threat of the global pandemic and school...I began to fear just about everything that I couldn’t control. Since I could control my schoolwork, I threw myself into it. If I wasn’t eating or sleeping, I was finding a way to engulf myself in homework. I used homework as an escape from my mind’s racing thoughts that wouldn’t stop even when I was asleep. For months I struggled with invasive thoughts and terrible self-talk that eventually drove me to my breaking point. For multiple nights my mother had to hold me as I sobbed because my own mind wouldn’t let me sleep and berated and tore down everything I thought I knew about myself. The days were just as bad. I couldn’t move from my mom’s bed where I had taken up residence and I rotted away day by day...eventually my mom couldn’t endure the pain of watching her only child wish she wasn’t born. She did her research and got me in touch with a therapist, someone who specialized in general anxiety and depression. My mom knew I was never going to be able to take such a step myself, and for her to make that decision I could never be more grateful.
It has now been a few months since I started working with a therapist. I can truly say that she helped save me. Our weekly sessions help to alleviate the anxiety that I have had boiling up in me since I was a child. While therapy isn’t an overnight solution, it has definitely helped me to learn how to navigate my life and college without fearing my every next move. As someone who didn’t think she was going to make it out of the summer, time heals all wounds. Without my mom and my therapist, I am not sure I would even call myself a college student right now. I have never been happier than I am right now and I can owe that all to my mom and my willingness.”
Thank you for reading!